I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember, and I believe that every word of God is true. There is a lot of peace in the word but there is a lot of scripture that can be challenging as well. “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” That is a powerful passage from Matthew 5:28, and it is very convicting. At least it was for me, and as a married Christian man who believes that Gods word is truth then I better take this passage to heart. I struggled with lust and pornography for a number of years. It was a battle that began when I was young and it wasn’t until I was older when I discovered that Bible verses aren’t just catch phrases, but as the word says in Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” and when I learned how to apply scripture to my life, I began winning the battle. This is a story of one man’s battle for purity, but it wasn’t fought alone.
Ephesians 6:12 states, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” When I began engaging in the battle for my purity, I discovered that a lot of men my age fell into this trap in a very similar way. I remember being out in the hills behind my house one day when I discovered a fort next to a bush. Naturally, I went in and there it was, pages upon pages of pornography. I took some of them home and soon I was addicted, “…as an ox goes to the slaughter”, little did I know at the time that it would cost me dearly. I was in middle school at the time and from that time on I was addicted even though I knew it was wrong. I was raised by a Godly Christian woman who taught me about God and instilled the fear of God in me but no matter how much I tried to resist, I just couldn’t. At an early age I identified with scripture in Romans 7:15, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” I remember a couple times in high school attempting to stop, but it would only last a short time until I was pulled back in. Looking back, I can see how this dragon shaped me into an insecure and isolated person and its grasp became stronger as it turned into a comforting crutch when life hit.
My addiction continued into my marriage and that was when I began to see the destructiveness of this dragon. In Matthew 6:24 it states, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other…” and when I got married, I was torn. I was amazed by this Godly woman I had been blessed with, but I couldn’t be the Godly man I wanted to be or the Godly man she needed me to be, and the harder I tried the more I failed. The first few years of our marriage were difficult. I told her early in our marriage of my struggles and it broke her and strained our marriage. We battled this dragon for years and every time I slipped; I could see it crushing her as well. That’s the thing with sin. Sin always hurts someone else, but this was not only hurting her but was destroying me as well. I wanted to be a Godly man of integrity, but I couldn’t be alone. That’s the other thing with sin. It makes you feel like you are free, but the fact was I was in chains. This dragon had a hold on me and now not only was it destroying me it was affecting my wife and slowly destroying our marriage. I reached out to my church at the time and attended a small group which helped for a while, but like any addiction it slowly crept back in. A short time later we had our first child and now my addiction was tearing our family apart. I finally snapped and Matthew 6:24 became alive to me. Finally, I hated this dragon and by this time we were attending a different church and when I called for help, I told my story to everyone I spoke to. It didn’t matter who it was, I was done, and I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16.
The church we were attending at the time was a big church and in God’s timing when I reached out, they had a recovery ministry that was starting a new group for purity. God worked through this ministry to help me dig to the root of the addiction, but the dragon wasn’t going away without a fight. I remember the day clearly when God set me free. I was home alone and out of nowhere these thoughts and temptations came over me like a tidal wave, but my hatred was stronger. I got on my knees and started praying against this dragon and then I applied 1 Corinthians 6:18, which states, “Flee from sexual immorality…” and so I got in my car and drove, and for the first time I felt free. I remember driving around with a smile because I realized that through Christ, I was in control. I finally learned that I had the strength through Christ to stand against this dragon that had control over me, my marriage and my family for years, and I found victory. My marriage is stronger than ever, and I learned that the word is living and active, and when applied it is a powerful and affective tool against the darkness in this world.
I hope this story is encouraging, please share as you feel lead. I have provided a link below to Pure Desire Ministries, a great resource in the battle for purity.
Resource: puredesire.org
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Courageous Love: A Marriage Revision